so I joined an advisory board and all I got was…

a creepy vibe. not that I believe in vibes.
from the start amy warned me to stay away.

my pal doug mesner said it was ok and it was, in that moment and that place… that place being the center for healing spiritual and cultic abuse… and I was stoked to be able to help, to consult and work with other, fellow advisory board members like michael shermer of skeptic magazine and douglas rushkoff of himself.

and then the fella who is at the head, the lead, the big cheese… well, he starts acting odd… using the CHSCA twitter feed and Facebook page to wage a war on paypal… over shipping money.

at this point I resigned in my mind. I mean, if you’re doing so bad that shipping money is driving you to rage and to flame out on-line, you have bigger and better priorities to face.

so what I’m saying is I can’t stick around only to be a pawn in the next move… maybe john will join a new cult (he was a member of one for some 20 years), maybe suicide… what ever it is, I’m always the
scapegoat, so not on this one… unless you want to note the timing of the decline… it was right after I joined. hehehehee, but I digress.

This brings me to the official reason I’m writing this…

I’m afraid of how John and the CHSCA might express itself after all of those pent up, repressed feelings slowly creep out of that self made cage, so… without further delay, I present my open resignation note to the board of the CHSCA and John M Knapp:

john, it is with great regret that I must resign from the CHSCA today,
wens. sept 7th. please remove my name from the list of board members a.s.a.p. and within a reasonable amount of time. I’d define that reasonable amount of time as 7-10 days… let me know how you see it.

please, get yourself help or take a break and whatever you do, don’t join a church. heheheheee. really man, it seems you have a personal deal going on, so as the king said: “TCB baby – TC fuckin B”

I hope you get on yer feet and your new start starts happy and never ends.

thank you for the opportunity john. all the best as of sept 7th 2011,
shane bugbee

btw – here’s one of the links I’m looking to have removed…

Latest Comments

  1. shanebugbee says:

    I blame my influence, it is strong and so is my do what thou will attitude and life, strong as vader even… it’s funny and like this… I notice folks say the fuck word around me a lot. not when I first meet them but shortly after their first shocked look – as I communicate by means spiced of cock-sucker here or a mother fucker there… this is where it gets funny… shock turns sadistic and that person changes, they taste freedom and poof, they swear like a sailor… it happens when the free get around those who have caged themselves thru non or forced expression… yes, what I’m saying is my free “spirit” was too much for ol’ john to handle.

  2. Monica Pignotti says:

    Hi Shane, although you and I have never communicated, it’s Monica Pignotti, John Knapp’s scapegoat. I say this because he appears to be blaming everything, including his client’s complaint on me (even though I didn’t even read it until after it is filed). I don’t suppose he will ever wonder look into what he might have done to bring this whole fiasco about. In any case, if you or any of your readers would like to read about my side and how I have documented that his accusations I am harassing him are false, here are some links which show my actual contacts with him have been very limited to where I was doing my professional duty by attempting to have a private discussion with him about what I perceived to be ethical violations:

    If nothing more, this is a case in point that shows that people in the skeptical community can be just as vulnerable as anyone else to accepting something because a respected person endorsed it.

  3. Doug Mesner says:

    Shane – I really do think that he had a sudden identity crisis and was trying to remake himself in some type of new, bad-ass, rock-n-roll image. And I do think his dialogue with you at least partially provoked that. He is hopelessly confused on many things. For one, his idea that his “freedom” is being encroached upon when he’s asked to act professional when posting in the name of the organization. I guess Sports Illustrated has the “freedom” to publish 50 pages plain text regarding the linguistic peculiarities of a particular amazonian pygmy tribe, but it would be as out-of-context as the posts being left in the name of the CHSCA, and it would surely lose readers. He has the freedom to drive his car off a cliff, but I hardly think he has grounds to bitch if I step out from the passenger seat first.
    Now he’s saying that he tried having numerous meetings with me, which I ignored. Of course, this is a lie. But even if it were true, I’m not sure how that’s supposed to excuse the issue of his unprofessional behavior or absolve him from his own inactivity. I imagine he’s one of those who will, years from now, hear the uncomfortable question from somebody, “what ever happened to the CHSCA?”
    I suppose then he’ll be comfortable saying, “well, I called a meeting about 15 years ago and nobody showed up…”
    Oh, well. On to the next thing.

  4. oneperson says:


    Thanks may sound odd…but ‘thanks’ for posting a public resignation on your blog.

    I’m Knapp’s former client that became a topic of his on the CHSCA site and on FB.

    I could say a lot, but I refrain. I’ve come forward on my blog with some. Perhaps more will come out as time progresses. Not that anyone would be that interested.

    I am interested to see how long it takes for the CHSCA website to get the resignees’ names off of public display. And I wonder if any of the former Board members will take action if John does not take their names off. The posts on that site are filled with defamatory statements. (That’s not a legal threat from me, but I sure wouldn’t want my name on that Board with those kind of posts in public.)

    Hopefully, the folks’ names who have resigned will soon disappear.

    Thanks again,
    ~carol welch

    For the record, here is a link to my statements addressing some of John’s defamatory statements:

    My statements addressing John M. Knapp’s allegations & accusations

  5. Borz Lom (Löma) Nal says:


    I used to be a co-moderator and co-administrator of Knapp’s forum and he also attacked me recently.

    Reading your public announcement of resignation, I thought that I wish I had done the same when I ceased being involved with his forum. Unfortunately, I did not have that chance because Knapp deleted his forum before I could do that.

    So, congratulations on your resignation and being public with it!

    In the case you are interested, I have a couple of blogs where I posted regarding Knapp and his recent smear campaign against Carol, Monica and me:

  6. Doug Mesner says:

    I feel a need to point out that part of the reason I resigned from the CHSCA is because I had no interest in having any part in John’s personal battles. I still don’t. Because I resigned from the CHSCA certainly doesn’t mean I’m interested in aligning myself with any efforts to discredit or malign John any further. The issues you have with John, Carol, are being reviewed by his licensing board. They will take action as they see fit. Other personal battles with John are of absolutely no interest to me, nor do I think there are internet browsing readers who care to sift through the various emails and interactions that anybody has had with him. I understand that Borz and Carol feel hurt by their interactions with John, but I think time that might be best spent toward some more productive goal is being squandered… And to what end? What is ultimately being achieved? John is not a famous or particularly influential person. Beyond a review of his practice by his licensing board, what is ultimately being sought here? Again, I just had an acrimonious departure with John on this business venture, and I couldn’t be less interested in carrying out a public internet war with him or anybody else. I think it may be time to move on to other things.

  7. shanebugbee says:

    you know, doug has a point when he asks what more can you achieve?

    I speak from an understanding here for I too have used the net to fight back: – but this was business and entertainment and there was no licensing board to go to, there are no laws governing the net and the fraud curry… ahhhh, see, I’m spinning out of control thinking about it. my final decision on that was… do I get a lawyer, and lawyers were offering, and I thought – fuck no, I don’t have an unlimited life with unlimited hours/seconds/minutes so I must push fwd and produce.

    ultimately and directly because of my decision to invest time into me and my ideas rather than stay on hold, in one moment, fighting that fight. I was able, with my wife, to create over 150 short videos, we have completed one of two films and we’re finishing up a book. all from a deal a guy tried and did fuck me/us on.

    when the books finished I plan on sending adam curry the first fucking copy, with the two films and the 150 shirt videos and I’ll thank him for the inspiration not to be a douche bag like himself… and rather than win or loose a fight in court I leave more behind, my art, my attempt at pushing the pendulum towards my side of the political swing.

    I also understand revenge and the need for it… and doug is correct that what you’re doing now is at best storing info and evidence and at worse a total bore.

    maybe sprinkle your revenge with some creativity and let’s see what happens… or make art

  8. Monica Pignotti says:

    Here’s my opinion, for what it’s worth. In terms of a client deciding to publicly blow the whistle on a therapist currently under investigation by a state board, I see it as a comparable position to a victim of anything else where allegations have been made and are being investigated by state authorities. If there are allegations that a violation has occurred, it is up to the alleged victim whether or not to speak out publicly and that is between the alleged victim and her therapist and/or her lawyer. I neither encourage nor discourage the victims in this instance to speak out publicly, as that is their decision to make and theirs alone. I do think of this, however, as justice rather than revenge. In my opinion, this is a similar position that ex-members coming out of destructive cults are in, although in that case the cult leader is more often than not not being charged with anything. Some decide to go public and blow the whistle while others do not and that is something they need to work out with their therapist, lawyers if applicable and most of all, think through for themselves. Of course, Doug’s position is a very different one from the client’s and I can certainly appreciate and respect that.

  9. shanebugbee says:

    justice is relative and defined by laws.
    revenge is based in personal ideas of what justice might be for that individual.

    it’s still better to be creative and put your energy into you, rather than speaking your enemies name.

    doug’s position might be different but mine is not… I’m a human being that has had to deal with assholes, and I’ve found the more I deal with assholes, the more I start looking sounding and smelling like the assholes I despise… I also have found the more I take/redirect the ‘energies’ and/or emotions that might come from an extreme situation, the more I seem to gain/evolve in a positive way… I create therefore I’m me and not the drama, the problem or in the negative.

  10. oneperson says:

    Congrats on you and your wife’s films and book Shane. Cool. And I hear you on the lawyer stuff. Knapp’s the only one that has shouted lawyer in this debacle.

    Hey Doug. Yeah…like I said…”Not that anyone would be that interested.” And, an FYI, I’m not looking for alignment from anyone (or revenge for that matter). As far as I know, I’ve not recruited such. If some comes along, fine…if not…it still is what it is.

    As far as the investigation, yup…the state will do what it deems proper. And I’ll probably update my little corner of the blogosphere with whatever the results are when it’s done.

    This one makes me chuckle Shane:
    “Maybe sprinkle your revenge with some creativity and let’s see what happens…or make art.” Ha!

    To life,

  11. oneperson says:

    Another thought..after a delightful Mexican meal with my hubby and a couple Margaritas..

    Knapp fabricated a sex story, a total fabrication, about me propositioning him.

    I was telling my husband tonight that I initially didn’t feel anger but rather shock. And Lom can attest to my shock. I simply never imagined that Knapp would do such a thing.

    And that I then felt fear, because I thought that if Knapp would fabricate something like that and publish it, what else was he capable of?

    My husband stated that I was angry when I first discovered Knapp’s story. I guess from my perspective, shock overrode my anger.

    My husband’s initial reaction was anger and then he felt more that Knapp was stupid, immature, and living out a fantasy.

    I guess I share the above with the point being that what Knapp has done is not a small thing… at least to me. And the sex story is only one of those things.

  12. shanebugbee says:

    well, I’m def. not saying it was a small or big thing, just that it gives them power when you speak their names.

    for me, fear results in violence, or it could, not anger or depression, but violence… so I relate with being emotional and upset.

    I found a treasure in my travels… it something called trust. I’ve never really known it before as my issues come from when I was a wee little one. if anything, trust might make me feel ill and paranoid.

    now, today, I give trust… and my life is a lot better. I understand random acts of violence and I try to keep my eyes open but ultimately I try to give folks the benefit of the doubt. I also understand the more I do, the more active I am, I will end up playing with more people and thus open up the odds of having more conflicts… and it is there I have control, I control how I react.

    once I really cleared the filters I had from youth it seemed so simple, take folks at face value until they act or prove different and react to those actions… in a legal and pro way within the best of my ability. hehehehe….

    my point… I’m sorry if someone has taken your trust, don’t let them and try to be productive in things that make you happy. I bet talking about folks you fear/rage/hurt ect. does NOT make you happy.

    I love flannel sheets, what about you?
    also, my tomatoes are turning a bit red, so I’m stoked and ready to eat tomatoes and kale I grew! oh and my wife, her smile could quite possibly stop a tsunami, not that we’re gonna stick around and try.

    oh and tonight, in seconds I start to boil the beats! I love a good, no, I love a GREAT beat salad and I’m going to attempt to make a GREAT one tonight!

    margaritas sound like a good way to say good by to summer… I think I’ll try it this week, thanx!

  13. oneperson says:

    Somehow, previously when I posted, I didn’t see Monica’s post in response to you and Doug or your post in response to Monica’s. Just now saw those. Great dialog, imo.

    Well, I don’t know how much, if any, of what I’ve written regarding Knapp that anyone has even really read. To me, it isn’t filled with vitriol (my word) and anger or hate speech (my word). But maybe some read it that way, at least those who don’t know me or those whom Knapp has influenced and painted me as a “professional victim”…to use his label for me.

    I disagree that saying a perp’s/abuser’s/et al name gives them power. To me, allowing someone else’s actions to deter or determine my own actions and words gives them power. Their name is just their name. To me, it’s not a sacred cow with power. (Not saying that you called it a sacred cow; I did. ;) )

    And I totally get giving the benefit of the doubt; it’s a adage I live by. I endeavor to take people at face value without being naive. That said, I have also gone too far with giving the benefit of the doubt. And my (unhealthy) issues have been more from my own self-distrust, self-blame, and taking blame for that for which I am not blameworthy. (From my understanding, not unusual for anyone who has endured certain hardships/abuse/neglect/etc.)

    I’m not a debater. I’m not into battle. I’m not into us/them. Speaking up regarding this situation was (and I’m not exaggerating) was mental torment for me. I went public, at least in part and maybe a large part, because I have to live with myself for the rest of my days. To stand by in silence…well, at this point, I simply couldn’t do that and be at peace within. I have written quite a bit about that process…the battle within myself of coming forward and why and how (not just with Knapp, but in coming forth in general).

    Interesting Shane about fear and violence. I think of violence coming more from suppression and enslavement. When people stand up for themselves and decide to take action as best as they can, I don’t think of it as violence. If violence enters the picture, I think it comes more from the oppressors than from the enslaved.

    I’ve been known to write a poem or two in my day. One poem comes to mind regarding violence and suppression. It’s here (and it’s short..hehe) if you wanna take a gander:

    I’ll check out the vids you mention.

    BTW: I realize your an artist and therefore your story (most likely) comes through in your art…with much left to the interpretation of the viewer. But, I’m wondering if you have a narrative snippet of your life story. I’d be interested to read (or view, if it’s in film) if you do. I enjoy reading/learning about us humans and the journeys we live.

    Thanks again!

  14. oneperson says:

    Enjoyed the Wingsuit vid.

    My son went skydiving for the first time a few weeks ago for his 21st birthday. Got a video of himself on the way down. The scariest part of the vid was right before he jumped out of the 11,000 foot high airplane. Gawd.

    He jumped tandem, btw. ;)

    I used to want to skydive, but that phase has passed.

    For my 60th birthday (in 8 years) I want to thru hike the Appalachian Trail. Still a feat to undertake, but much more grounded. haha

  15. christine clemmons says:

    wow. i knew something was up. kinda felt odd…some of the things he wrote on my wall and notes he sent along, but figured it takes all kinds to keep spinning. love you.


  16. Anonymous says:

    Just wanted to say that it is cleansing to see some healthy dialogue without much attack.

    Shane, out of all of it, I think you said it best with this:

    “I’m sorry if someone has taken your trust, don’t let them and try to be productive in things that make you happy. I bet talking about folks you fear/rage/hurt ect. does NOT make you happy.”

    I worked and served proudly on the board once upon a time. Accusations were hurled when things didn’t go in the direction of one man’s vision, and I got burned- among others. Expending my energy on being upset about it, though, helps nothing. Turning it into creative power, on the other hand, through art and music- transcends what hurts into something that could reach someone else in some positive way. Which was totally the reason I signed on in the first place.

    I won’t tell you I’m over it, or that I feel better about the whole thing. But I will tell you that I don’t let it control me. That just gives too much power to the actions and reactions of someone who no longer deserves my trust.

    Bigger and better things, onward ho!


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