Such a weird time in my life, and in the world… A very emotional time.
For me, it’s a time of explanation…
Something I’ve been against, often.
Especially when it feels forced or is an explanation about art and expressions of an abstract, surreal or complex nature… I guess it usually depends on who’s asking and the context of the questions and answers.
I’ve been wanting to explain each project I’ve been involved with… but hating the fact that I need to… But I do, for if I do not, some asshole will try and explain my stuff with their political fetishes slimed all over it, the intent behind what I do, smothered by others beliefs and thoughts and fears and ignorance.
for over 20 years I’ve been TOLD why I do what I do…
individuals like to project their political fetish onto other’s issues and actions, especially when those “others” are outspoken or are just playing along to their own beat… feels like a mild form of dominance and submission.
to assume and confront is to not listen, but to hear…
hearing what you want.
When I was asked to write a book on my past meeting my present I was against talking about my past… I feel like the past, and my past hold lessons for each person and those lessons are differing and complex and based on the individual.
I also have to accept the society I wage war against is littered with fools – and worse… it’s full of nefarious assholes who twist words and forego original intent in order to push their agenda.
I was part of art movements, and a moment in american art history partially documented in the book ART THAT KILLS… an art movement that was all about causing pain and aesthetic terror.
for me, and I suspect most that excelled at hate and handing out the pain, this anger filled ART THAT KILLS rage was a reflection of the pain we had been witness to or suffered ourselves… the pain inside, the anguish, the torment, the historic rage that I/we would carry each and every day, and still do, but this rage wasn’t only fueled by what may or may not have happened to us, or the cruelty that we may or may not have witnessed…
the rage and pain we were inflicted by, diseased with…
the disease we spread and tried to inflict.
it was the loneliness…
the lack of justice
and no one responded to our cries…
the state of our lives, their lives, your life.
run for your life.
the state of the state.
it’s a lot of things for sure.
and as I try to speak for me and I stumble into speaking for a movement…
and I think I can
excluding the exception to the rule.
as much as I/we would find joy in hurting others and watching others hurt.
like a hurt and scared animal we were and are.
we just wanted to be saved.
no hand outs or even hand ups.
not “saved” in sympathy.
I/we want to fight and struggle to find our natural level.
to climb, to compete
given access to the tools of an evolved and civil survival.
and as simple as it sounds.
we are/were looking for a hug.
and more of course…
but the warm touch is a start.
it helps to thaw the ice around the heart.
fast forward to today…
a moment of understanding.
to understand we are not all the same.
contrary to your bible
contrary to the dogma of this crumbling society.
to understand we are all human.
that we all suffer.
and survival of the fittest and our species’ evolution depends upon cooperation.
cooperation among tribes
cooperation among species.
my hope in the next great one-mind understanding?
that we recall and understand – we are all animals.
we are tree food.
the trees give back.
and so should we.
a wave and a smile costs nothing.
a lesson I’ve learned.
though, it’s not easy to smile.
I can still wave.
today, I’m really pissed off… I’m pissed to have to try and explain my rage and I’m really pissed off to feel odd about something I’ve made… like a lot of things that could be taken in many ways by many folks.
my BURN patch and pin is that.
the news that churches are burning in the south makes me think.
and it’s hard to explain… it’s nuanced and complex.
my intent behind that BURN art is and it isn’t about hate.
it’s not black and white.
it’s about love of humanity.
and hate of christian influence and control
and my thought that religion is a cancer, that it enslaves.
at best religion was training wheels that we no longer need.
maybe you need.
and I hate you for that.
and I love your smile.
I can imagine you free.
and I hate I’m circumcised too.
the idea behind MY church burning love is the thought that CHRISTIANS would BURN THEIR OWN CHURCHES!!
that native americans would burn the churches on reservations.
that society would see the cross as a symbol of hate
and burn the churches
and give the dead baby indians underneath a proper burial.
the idea is to free your mind.
the idea is to provoke a conversation.
not create more pain and violence but to mirror, in words and art, the pain and violence that inspires hate filled creations and output.
I think humans understand abstract and surreal expression better than they do the man-made language we have been trained to use… or perhaps the abstract and surreal concepts like love and hate and art that we have such a hard time understanding or explaining, understands us.
I’m fucking pissed!
I give too much.
and most don’t deserve it.
I pull some items I sell on the net because I’m not sure everyone and anyone should have access to that part of my work.
perhaps I need to meet and know those who are buying my abstract statements.
a look in the eye, a conversation.
kids need to make their own mistakes… they need to rage and show off their anger
t-shirts and patches and art are safe ways to do that… I think so.
I’ve been wrong a few times.
today I’m not a kid
I’m what I considered as a kid, an old man.
I have love in my life.
I have folks in my life I don’t want to hurt.
I have friends that are contrary to my rage filed expressions.
I have been influenced by many.
influenced by gg allin
influenced by nina simone.
plain and simple, I’m confused and not comfortable producing shit that can be argued as shit that says – “I’m ok with the violence that’s happening today”. – I’m not.
as a person who is considered a lot of things, some of those things include a responsibility to be honest to the times – that doesn’t mean go with the flow, and it doesn’t mean follow a rule as to what honesty is…
it demands that you are honest to you and that you project your truth.
the anger and rage is exhausting me.
maybe anger and rage is for the youth.
I’ll take my wisdom over your knowledge.
I’ll embrace the warmth over the cold.
the cold is hard on my feet.
they crack and complain.
I’m into the love I’m getting and giving.
it new to me.
it feels great to me.
I want more of it.
ahhhh… who am I kidding!
I love to hate too.
I’ve been an asshole
picking on a christian
is beating a dead horse.
selling trinkets of a past mind
is ripping off the ignorant.
we are beating a dead horse.
we imagined no religion.
we can see it
if you can count, sucker.
not sure I can live with the idea that the hurt folks that are hurting others will create even more hurt for their hurt selves and families.
not into hurt folks hurting other hurt folks.
hurt incest is what it is.
I like the idea of upsetting the status quo.
not upsetting the upset.
I love the idea of finding happiness
and value of life
and walking your path as focused as possible.
and speaking your truth as fearless as possible.
and being an animal.
and acting like an animal.
and learning from your mistakes
and evolving your phillisopical make-up.
and making more mistakes
and a mess too.
oh yea, and fuck you.
*At some point I graduated from GG ALLIN to Nina Simone… they are similar. rage and the craze because of the leash this society puts on the talented and tormented artist… tormented by the ills of the world, wanting more, wanting better for all… or most.
I relate to their pain, the loneliness of speaking out and speaking your mind… of being in-tune with and conducting their orchestra of one.
of having to settle down and settle or die trying to be free… the survival instinct has a way of keeping you holding on and holding out for hope that one day you, me, and we, will run as fast as can be… just to be the we we be.
please think about helping to fund my websites, my expressions and other creative outlets so I can jump thru windows of opportunity rather than jump thru windows of desperation.
here is the my/our patreon page: http://www.patreon.com/creativeclass
here is the paypal address: 365roadtrip AT gmail.com
I also take sculpture, video and design commissions, email me here: shanebugbee AT gmail.com