the culture war rages! the war on speech and free thought rages…
and… as I think and think and think some more on this, I keep coming back to Ian MacKaye and an interview I did with him… the question might not seem like it adds up to anything to do with the french tragedy of this moment… but, within Ian’s answer, this is where my mind runs to… and I look out at the rain and the wind the the trees being blown, knowing we are here to feed that and I wish the swallows were in bloom.
anyway, here’s the question and Ian’s full answer…
Have you ever been maligned, run out of town or picked on for your beliefs or what you do? Or maybe misunderstood?
I think that I am a bit elusive on that for people because I don’t expect people to understand me always and it’s okay if they don’t. I’ve worked hard to not see my life as a movie that everyone has to understand, and see, and get.
I’m just one of billions of living beings on this Earth. I mean for all the issues that we are talking about – You study this and I study this, and we think about it. It doesn’t mean a fucking thing ultimately. I mean, right now, at this very moment this entire block could just explode. A crack could open up and just drop us in, and we would be just eviscerated, and it won’t mean a thing to most of the people in this world. It will have zero effect on the revolution of this earth, like the earth will continue to spin.
Like when the planes crashed in 2001, the Pentagon is three quarters of a mile over there, I could walk to the top of the hill and see the smoke. I woke up, people were calling me. “Did you look?” And I looked, I turned the television on and saw the second plane hit and was like, ok, it was not an accident. I get it, human brutality again, and I just turned the TV off. I’m just not gonna watch it. Because like puppy beating in your back yard, this idea that I could watch something and understand it. It’s not possible, it’s incomprehensible what happened.
To watch it over and over and over to come to terms with it, all that really is occurring is that one has to go numb. It’s incomprehensible. Once the gums go numb is when the dentist really kicks in with the violence, they don’t cut you and drill until you are numb. That’s the same, people are trying to look at this thing and understand they go numb, fear makes us go numb, and I am not interested in being numb.
I want to be alive. So I turned off the TV and I went back and read a book and people are calling me, “What are you gonna do ?”, and I’m like, I’m gonna read a book. Then, I looked out the window, and I saw these trees outside this window and I saw some birds up there, and I thought. These birds in these trees do not give a fuck about what is occurring in New York City, or even a mile away from here. This means nothing to them, and if I have to align myself with living beings at that moment, if I had to align myself, I’m gonna align myself with the birds and the trees because, it’s not that I don’t care for the people involved, I do care, but I cannot get caught up in this cycle of fear.
I thought about World War One, a colossal, disastrous mess where hundreds of thousands of people were killed daily and still we can laugh and smile today. So I knew we would navigate this horrific incident. But I was not going to navigate it by becoming inured to my own feeling.
Then I sat right here and I got out all the mail, because people write me and I answer all my mail, and I sat and I dated each one of those things September 10th, because I didn’t want people to think I was insane. “What was he doing writing letters on the 11th?” I answered like thirty letters that day. And, every time I wrote it I thought, this is a vote for the future. I’m writing a letter someone will read on the 12th, the 13th, or 14th, and I know those days will come and that’s why I’m writing this – it’s a vote for the future.
We can either behave like them, like the bad parts of this world, or we can spend all of our time trying to fight against them, but either way we get caught up in the same dance. Or, we just try to think about life straight up and be like, this is real, I’m here. I didn’t become real, I am real. I’ve always been real. As a kid I was real.
This is a big problem in our lives, people think “oh kids, you have to get real at some point.” Fuck that, you are real when you’re five, when you’re seven and ten and twelve, you’re real. You might be more real! I mean there’s nothing more real than a five month old kid who’s just like, “I’m shitting out of my ass right now.” “I just spit up.” “I’m tired.” “I’m hungry.” “I’m happy.” That’s just real, that’s just pure realness right there. He’s just a kid, he’s just real, and I think this idea that children aren’t real is nuts. But again, it’s another aspect of our society that keeps us always scrambling, trying to get caught up, to just get back to zero.
FOR MORE ON THIS PROJECT AND THE FULL INTERVIEW, GO TO: https://archive.org/details/ayearatthewheel
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