pt. 2 of the 2016 e-notes that are laced with election hope and stress… if you’re following along with the e-notes you’ll know I didn’t post these here until march 2017.
looks like I put a lot of words together, or I should say I tried to put words together… I don’t edit the e-notes and feel the election year e-notes should be posted pure, foot-in-mouth and all… as I read them over I certainly feel like editing and deleting… it was an important year for america, or so most say so I’ll leave these as is.
there are dates above the groups of posts, most written and sometimes posted on a social media service within a week of the date listed, I would then compile in one document.
the following notes date from July. 2016 to the start of of Oct 2016
I think cats have some sort of telepathy… When ever I enter a residence with a cat, I immediately imagine me grabbing cat by the throat and sticking them in a sausage grinder… The cats of the house always stay far away from my wife and self… The cat owners are amazed that their cat isn’t crawling all over us or is in the farthest room… I do this because my wife is allergic and I don’t like the dominance cats force… The cat is right in vib-ing that I’d kill it if it is aggressive with me… If a cat attacked me like that, the owner would have some work to save the cat from a mutual but far more devastating mauling from me to it. I hope you hurt that cat.
When you mourn death you are usually mourning your mortally, you future, your death… An unproductive 80 year old isn’t a sad death. Memories remain, we fuck robots, digital is beamed into the universe.
Fall out of fear.
Road trips offer I don’t knows… Too many variables to know. Go with the I don’t know… The controlled projects are perfect for winter.
I’m an ask-a-sexual… Ask.
The question alone is flattering
and if the moon and stars and moment synch, I’ll be a might-a-sexual… or a maybesexual, depending on how you look at it.
Painting with people
Brushes of tanks and missiles.
Greed and power.
Curtain pulled back.
An illusion is dangerous when you loose sight… Of it.
If you are engaged in politics that include a politician, you are of luck and not the class where the root issues reside… The invisible class, the class who hasn’t the mind nor the time to vote.
!!! What if death is as long as life… What if you feel every ounce of decay… Perhaps that is hell and we are all destine to that hell no matter the life lived… Maybe, just maybe this is your one and only chance the experience pleasure.
ART SHOW: I have gout and am sure to be dead soon, so, this is a really great time to pick up art work from a confirmed, on the downhill slide artist with some sort of history acclaim… Please, come pick a living corpse!!! Super duper deals on the art I made so I might leave behind something, some sort of a value, a bank account for my wife after death.
Forget all that… I’m dying and need the money. Buy.
And make sure to come to the opening and witness the downfall of a man.
Aboriginal metal head.
I saw a fella at the gas station today sporting a white power t-shirt with a skull with a swastika on it. I felt like I was looking at the last of the true, brave and strong.
Now, I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion he was a white supremacist or a white segregationist and they are very different, you know? He was in a white pick up truck from Arizona, but still… I’m open to listening, to hearing.
And I wouldn’t much change my mind if he were a person with a philosophical make up much different than my own… The fact that that man had the courage to confront the public with such an unpopular view was pure beauty for my eyes.
At some point I notice dude looking hard at someone, his gal pushed him in the truck and jumped into drive, my view was blocked and I couldn’t see that someone’s face until the fella wearing a swastika on his sleeve pulled away from the pump, and we pulled up. The person who was doing the staring,the one who was provoking the dude in the white power shirt, was a dumpy dork with his family in the car.
Knowing fellas like the white power dude, I couldn’t help but think, who was the ignorant one? The person who has a philosophical belief strong enough to follow and not add to it or evolve it, which basically makes the philosophy a religion… Or the dork who put his wife, child and everyone in that area in straight up danger confronting a very serious, take no shit person, for their opinion or fashion sense.
If ever their was an evil in the world… A true Ill and a sign of our collective demise it would be the suburbs. Not needing to be near the cows or the colored or the creative, It is place where the weakest of human stock migrates,out of a fear of the individual personality, the unrecognizable cultures they are force to cohabit-ate with, and the sliding scale of free they see in others as we see in the deer or the tree… A free we kill in a subconscious occult ritual and pathetic attempt to gain power. Cage the free and feel the sexual being you once were.
Dominance and submission that is social accepted by the repressed and truly caged. Shame.
Today, suburbanites have produced at such a rapid rate they are taking over every cultural hub in the USA… Gentrifying, commercializing, and criticizing those who made the city so attractive and exciting.
If ever there was an attack on the Lower classes, it would be the successful slaves of the ruling class, those dogs who have obey’d, they have submitted and followed the rules and have the treats and rewards to prove, submission pays… They are the true enemy and mindless followers, void of anything but the want of a nipple to sooth their weakness, a nipple disguised in the form of consumption.
If your not hunting and killing and growing you own food, you are probably eating yourself to death.
It took me nineteen years to realize
Amy’s face as I complain about unpacked underwear
told me it hurt her to the bone, to the marrow…
I realized it was heard and taken as an attack on her being, she felt bad name wrong…
Ugh, I was only talking about missing underwear…
I stopped and assured her she packs the best luggage ever, I am never in want.
and I felt so small…now could I make a woman who has done so much for me, feel so low.
I’m so determined to be correct. It’s wearing me down…. Not correct… I need to not be wrong, constant.
I’m not the dreg my body or diction might suggest.
Cashier, focus, ADHD… Kid on Meds, yapping at every customer like a dog needing help.. Looking for advice, no time, over worked, under paid…. Needs advice from customers.
The upper crust and their pudding like filling we call the upper middle class…
One of the reasons I smoked weed, chronic was to mask my intellect… It was and is dangerous to be a smart kid or the smart kid… Like the dumb blond who has the choice of playing dumb or risk constant peril.
And the culture war is real.
all over with variations on it’s expression.
worse than the war on culture…
the war on the poor.
the war on the poor is amazingly sadistic and, every single person who holds a degree from a learning institution, is complicit in the war on the poor.
no matter how they vote…
religious zealots attacking modern civilization.
the culture war rages!
I would ask anyone thinking violence against the system at hand to look at history and think about just how brutal the force against you will be… Acting out with violence is playing a part of and becoming the system you profess to reject.
and poor isn’t a culture.
don’t be of the poor.
I shot a family of squirrels once.
I did it on the advice of my respected elders.
Later in life I met folks who could deal with squirrels with ease… And the squirrels, they happily did most of what those folks suggested.
I regret and have always had regret for killing those squirrels… I wish I had known better.
Now that I do I’d let those others thru… Those who knew… Who know.
Sometimes it’s best to let those who think different and can yield better results thru.
I’m always surprised by those who talk of self determination and freedom… Those who are from the working class, who vote or side with such ignorant, total control political bullshit.. A group of rich folk and their pawns, who are not about self determination but about total greed and control of the gold.
Do you really think a rich business man has your greater good in his mind?
Can you imagine a future without cars or the need for jobs?
Do you derive any pleasure out of life at all?
Is your vote a vote of revenge because you trade 5 days for 2?
You do know business is about getting the most out of you while giving you a little as possible, right?
A business man for president?
Over science? Over art??
Do you really want to work more, for less?
Or is it you just need to have someone below you.
Someone who hurts more than you?
Your personal car wreck, look at their pain and feel better about yours?
If you think about pleasure beyond a warm, wet, spot…
Like indoor plumbing, and heat and chairs that offer real comfort…
Those great items of comfort come from arts and science, from thought, not force.
Might is Right is the law, for sure.
Today’s might is the mind… Not the sword.
Think beyond your anger.
Listen to the artist community, follow their lead.
Listen to the science community, follow their lead.
Or give up aspirin, T.V. And the internet.
anyone who casts a vote for control of the mind or thought is my mortal enemy.
Most folks I know who have taken a hand up, who have asked for and taken help, are better off because of those hands up.
Trump and his entire ilk are not about a hand up, they are about greasing the pole and then sticking it up the poor persons ass.
Most who vote can’t imagine a future without cars or a tomorrow with alternative energies, but they most certainly take aspirin and will run to a hospital if needing care.
Our system isn’t set up for true and honest stratification. Might is Right and Survival of the fittest in a civilized society depends on education… The swords of today are wielded by the intelligent and highly educated… And the entire populace enjoys the fruit that the mighty of mind give us thru science and engineering.
Libertarian ideals, while attractive, can not work in a society filled with the uneducated… It becomes shooting fish in a barrel, some of those fish should have the natural opportunity to swim as fast as they can… If a person is left to archive thrift ability, It leads to great results for all… there is a natural satisfaction in reaching as high as you can and doing the best you can do. To be useful and not just used.
This ties into the “pursuit of happiness”… the pursuit of a natural, individual happiness… Not a happiness defined by a man made system with man made laws. To be able to reach the level you can, or at least the level you are comfortable with… And to preform at your best… Not thee best, just your best…
To suggest there is one standard of success is to say we are all the same or, that we should strive to be the same and be judged or punished for not archiving the same level of success defined by wealth and class.
I have an idea that people should be more greedy… It’s the idea that, if you like wood, and items made from wood, you don’t cut all the trees down, you leave some to cut down another day. The same goes for human beings… You want to take advantage of, to exploit others? exploit the best, not the system made dregs… Now, this doesn’t mean you want a depressed surgeon driving a cab. This means, you want a person who feels cab driving is as far as they want to go, that driving a cab is their greatest achievement, and they drive the cab with pride… And the whole of society is better off.
It’s about finding a use for all, not forcing all to be used.
I present this as the election season heats up and many folks I know are voting with anger, but not a fully thought out vote, just emotions.
I feel Bernie Sanders is the one person who has the greatest chance at leading humanity to its fullest potential… To think different, to change all we know, for the better of all… To achieve a society built on stratification base in ability, a rewards and pleasure base system rather than the punishment and pain based system we are ruled by today.
I am a libertine who believes in Liberty for all… For pleasure over pain, for peace over war.
I am for balance.
I will vote for Bernie Sanders.
I hope you will too.
in the animal kingdom, might is right includes cooperation in order to evolve you can have it no other way for even tribal war for resources includes a percentage of cooperation…
For the evolution of our species sake, for the strongest to survive, for the DNA pool to be of the highest cut.
One of the had et things of my life is being smart but not educated… To be driven to want more but not able to communicate my needs correctly.
When I talk to those with an education, it’s often like I’m speaking another language…I’m misunderstood often, and though most assume they know what I mean when I speak, I understand what they mean when they don’t question my words.
We read tabloids to enjoy the pain of the rich and famous.
To see them slither and contort.
Just like the rest of us.
Typical and tolerance.
I fight against and submit to both every day.
I’m having a moment of zen as far as people go… They have become close to invisible to me and I barely hear them… This is peace. But I fear I will enjoy myself too much and not hear the person yelling a warning about the sky falling… It’s the never knowing I was about to get hit with sky and die that would kill me.
Redefine the illusion of our society.
Philosophies mashed up.
Religious mind, extinct.
1. Listen to the band Suicidal Tendencies full album, join the army.
2. For some, the title artist is one of reinventing themselves, a new identity, a way to wash the boring career right out of their hair… It is marketing and used to sell themselves or soda-pop.
For others, it is necessity, it is the only way the artist can communicate, or, rather, the only way they feel understood. Art also helps the artist to understand themselves or maybe art is the communication the artist feels most comfortable communicating the unknown and/or odd individual political fetishes we pick up thru life experience.
I hate the title “artists” as it has become a job title.
I hate the title “art” as it has become a catch all for bullshit.
All animals communicate in the abstract… What makes the “artist” different from the swallow or deer? Perhaps it is because they are the last of the free from the species of we, the human.
I dropped out of school the day I turned 16
Putting this instillation together was fun and made me happy…
A weight lifted and,
lifted me to another level of me.
I hate the word… It makes basic communication a job or an industry.
For some, art is an instant identity.
For some it is therapy.
For some it is an escape from boredom.
For me, it seems to be the only way I can communicate to others.
It also helps me understand my self, my troubles, my cravings.
Art is the how I communicate without confusion.
It why it is mandatory for me.
When I started to realize what I’m presenting here, I was shocked.
Shocked it was such a subconscious projection and production.
I didn’t know I was doing anything more than taking pictures of visitors.
As I demantled what I had set up after Cheyennes death I started to try and analyze my actions.
I do this instillation to continue to try and figure out just what was going thru my mind. The why, the what.
Some have told me this presentation is brave or vital.
I don’t know about all of that.
What I do know is I haven’t a choice but to do, so I might understand.
And as a free thinking person, I haven’t a problem with honesty.
Even if it hurts me.
Or hurts you.
I haven’t a problem with being wrong.
I have an opinion.
I have feelings.
I’m happy to be able to share those with you.
I’m happy some helped me share this with you and with myself.
Someday I might figure it out.
Dust in the wind.
Prophetic artist Allan Moore once spoke of an information overload that the Internet would bring.
Today, I can see folks online are mostly delusional… They read what they want, the news has become their news, it is on demand and you read what you are attracted to read.
Shut the net off and then tell me where the violence is coming from. Is there any violence at all in your life? I doubt it’s black folk or cops who cause you strife… Domestic violence is a silent violence and yet, I’d bet is the biggest inspiration for the violence that makes the news.
Want a less violent time? Find a way to combat the violence in your mind, in your mom, your dad, your spouse and most important, yourself.
I lived with a black family in a very poor neighborhood. Funny how our teeth would rot at the same frequencies… It was hilarious how we were all ignored by social services. I do understand both sides of the coin… My point is, some folks who are saying all lives matter are struggling just as hard to stay afloat as their neighbors of all color… In the forgotten, invisible zipcodes. In Chicago, the abuse would come from all cops and it would depend on that individual cops bias. If you ignore the class issue, well, you are a fool. If we are going to divide issues, we would need to start with gender bias, it affects more that any one color.
I was born in a trailer, in a trailer park in Lubbock Texas. My parents hated each other and me. It was the hate not the place that still bothers me.
When you become invisible, you gain deep focus.
Though, you need deep focus to become invisible.
An artist issue.
Artist can be ruthless with one another, they can tear each other apart…
The only thing worse, the wanna be artist… They will stop at nothing at tearing the artist they wanna be down, under the ground.
The wanna be derives their pleasure thru destruction.
The artist, thru creation.
Steer clear of the wanna be.
Most political or religious philosophies fall apart based on the idea that all are created equal.
We are not.
We are not the same, nor are we equal.
Similar, sure… Never same or equal.
Well, I write and have a style that I don’t want bothered by others… So I seldom read those I share a history with.
I find kerouac to be a poser… I think he ripped everything from Neil Cassidy… And, because Neil was truly a downtrodden artist of reckless abandon, he, ores attached to Neil’s “spirit”… For me, that is an act of creative betrayal… A desperate act by wanna bes… Nothing a true artist would do.
kerouac new how to milk gimmick so he could have a decent career as a writer… He was less a writer and more of a careerist.
Tell me when you post a new blog… I’ll read that.
I feel sorry…
Worried for me, a man prone to violent outbursts…
Born of violence, in violence and understanding violence to the point of boredom.
And yet I never felt “masculine”
Normal is what I felt most of my days.
Violence was the norm in my childhood.
Yea, I’m still a child.
Presently I struggle with the idea of violence…
And turn my head when confronted with violence…
Because it makes me feel ill.
Dizzy at times.
I don’t go out much.
I’ve caged myself.
Worried a moment will slip into a lifetime of regret.
I’d like to think
I’m better now.
Thru love I’ve found my way.
I can not.
I dread the day.
Violence begets violence.
Layered like an onion.
Evolution is slow
Our time goes by so fast.
Change is slow
And our time goes to the past.
Funny thing, we live in a world where most laugh at the thought of magic and yet, they are afraid of a boarder or a town or a country… Words and illusions are what most fear. Rare it is that anyone of you has starred down a gun nozzle or had to negotiate a knife fight.
Even more rare is that most have never stood up for their individual, their mind, their ideas… Afraid to speak your mind makes you invisible, a life not lived.