Life after hate.
Interesting concept… and one that seems at odds with my past, with my philosophical outlook.
I’ve never been a joiner… always a solo act, a shane-ist has been my only religion.
It took love to save me.
I mistook attention for love.
It took compassionate beings who wanted to calm my demons… it takes constant love to keep them at bay.
I mistook commerce and sales of my trinkets as love.
I don’t think I’ll ever have a life without pain that could turn to hate… I have to wake up each day and work on understanding my emotions.
Today, l consider myself an artist who struggles to interpret my emotions using words and materials like fabric and wood.
I consider myself lucky to have received medical help and love from strangers who have become friends and new family.
In the following conversation with Christian Picciolini I struggle with why I should be sorry, as an artist and merchant of extreme art and books… opinionated… sometimes outspoken.
My apologies are for my intent…
Rather than try to get you to feel the pain I was gifted at such a young age, I wanted to cause pain… I feel now that the want to “cause” is a betrayal of art… art is to make you think, to feel others, those are a few of the goals of true-art… but I really wouldn’t know… what I do know is I’m at odds with the young me.
Present day, I can’t stand to see others in pain or suffering, not even my worse enemy. I’m not happy if I contributed to that… I’m sorry that I did contribute to that.
My frustrations are many and I can only be me and deal with those frustrations in creative, peaceful ways.
My forgiveness to myself is understanding my motivation behind my initial intent… I was ignorant and angry, and I was looking for answers and help that were out of my reach.
My fortune as an artist… I’ve lived to see my youthful expressions to a conclusion, to evolve my personal philosophical outlook, to hold an answer, my answer, as to WHY & HOW… to see a future thru the trees & out of the abyss I know so well, and back to the tree, the ultimate Apex predator.
My optimism for the future is the evolution of free thought and personal identity… the idea that we live an individual, nuanced, and circumstantial life, and can identify and relate to multiple beliefs, sexualities and lifestyles… the prevailing ideals of the PNW (2017) gave me health, strength and hope for humankind… I hope those ideals spread throughout the world.
Believe it or not, I’m surprisingly optimistic about the future… unless my demons creep in. A daily fight.
Peace and love to you.
Thank you Bernie.
MIGHT to me you ask?
The heart, the mind… intelligence balanced.
After I tested the Might Is Right philosophy, free fall (usaodd.com holds the book and film), I came to the idea that survival of the fittest was a flawed philosophy without the warmth of life after survival, the effort at evolution, which includes compassion and cooperation. might is right it is an angry screed at best.
I think folks who innovate, who invent, who are intelligent and willing to share their fortune to make all around them as strong as possible… that is deep strength and total might.
Lack of compassion or care for others represents greed to me.
Greed to me equals fear.
Ahhhhh, I can go on all day when it comes to philosophical meanderings.
YOU CAN FIND THE PODCAST, HERE: https://www.patreon.com/posts/love-hate-might-13175739
or here: https://archive.org/details/hate_vs_love_1