my trip to pitch in LA – revenge. mommy and daddy issues. a need for love.

this might be a long and too personal rant.
maybe it’ll be too inside or a bore.

I’ll try and sum it up here.

I walked away from an opportunity most would drop to their knees for.
others would imagine it to be the refusal of royalty.
a title bestowed upon me by and from modern day royalty.

after all t.v. is your god… your king, your queen, your ruler.

I was insulted.
I was insecure.
I was right.
I was wrong.
I was on the money.
I was ripped off.

most importantly… I was validated.

my views on the entertainment industry were validated.
the ilk that runs it.
those who swarm around it.
like fly to shit.
shit in and shit out.

to pitch is to play.
I don’t play.

I seek.
I strive.
I fail.
I survive.

here is a link to the video that was made to show off and sell the show:
here is a link to the “deck”, it’s a PDF used to sell t.v. shows:
here is a link to a blog I did while in LA:

I went to L.A. recently to pitch ideas to T.V. folk and entertainment industry bigwigs and their minions. meetings went well, things were looking great and then I snapped and literally walked away with the fuck you finger in the air.

Why you might ask? ITS FUCKING LA!!! and like the steel mills raining cancer down upon the zipcodes they invade, LA and it’s industry injects and inplauges all in and around her with a loss of curiosity and cripples creative expression just enough to pound ideas into the same can with the same label so it might be sold as the last can of beans they sold and the one before that and just like the original can of beans… All the fucking same, just a different tit job, now, with whiter and brighter teeth!

Stripers, drug dealers, those taking advantage of the desperate, talentless, turd sucking filth that gravitates toward the light of LA like a brainless bug that willingly floats into a bug zapper… I dig those folk, the underclass, those who get the joke.

for me it was a big sell out move as I really hate LA… again, not the people born and raised in LA, not the working class, not the folks I met on the bus… I hate the LA industry known as the entertainment business, an industry built on harvesting ideas thru theft, manipulation and three floors of lawyers only to pervert and boil those ideas down into a slurry of shit that lacks scent.

budgets reign supreme, not creativity, not originality… they settle for the mediocre rather than strive for greatness.

98.9% of all who are in or aspire to be included in the entertainment industry are plastic, no longer organic, no longer human, just a desperate cog in a broken and sputtering machine.

I’m first and foremost pissed at myself, not pissed for trying, but pissed for putting time into something I knew wouldn’t work, it couldn’t work – this isn’t my first go around with entertainment industry drivel, so I knew I’d be dealing with void of all fuck-tards. I tried to convince myself that I was doing this for everyone but myself, I was working at taking advantage of an opportunity in order to bring opportunity home to the creatives I work with and have faith in…

but my intent wasn’t pure, it was tainted, there was a cancer clinging to any creative or clannish intent I had… and it was these reasons that I believe are the main reasons the entertainment industry is able to leverage semi-talented humans to become so perverse, to lick boots, to eat shit on command and demand.

revenge. mommy and daddy issues. a need for love.

no matter my hatred of an industry that perverts human expression and heartfelt creation of art, I couldn’t shake the image of family members I’ve disowned long ago seeking my attention, my want of enemies to stew in the perception that I was above them because T.V. said so, since T.V. is held in such high regard among the working class and peasants alike, broadcasting and entertainment creates the illusion of modern-day royalty and god-like figures…. I know a bit about this, anytime I’ve had a moment on T.V., the idiots from my past slink and crawl and climb and claw their way out of the turd and toilet my mind has placed them in to contact me, to reach out, and to reminisce about times they imagine we had.

revenge is a decent motivating factor in wanting some sort of success, but with this hollywood shit, it’s consuming, or can be, and in this instance it was.

when I make stuff from the heart, what some might call art, I don’t have the feelings of revenge or the desperate need and want of love from those who would never and could never love me back, no matter how bad I want them to… I just make stuff, I revert to a child-like mind, I enter my subconscious, I dream, I manifest. this project wasn’t that and I knew it from the start.

now, don’t get me wrong, when decisions are made it’s rarely one reason we make them, especially big decisions and this was a big decision and I had many reasons, among them nurturing my true art by giving it a larger audience and thru that a louder voice. I wanted funding for my art and vision, and I hoped to create something of historic note, something cult or at the very least to create a larger opportunity… and then there’s paying the fucking bills… so revenge and love-lust were minor in comparison but they were also the cancer, the sickness I tend to be able to put aside like the people that cause those feelings.

So, In order to convince myself to do it, I decided to consider it a creative exercise… an effort to prove to myself I could… to do it for funds, love and revenge, to place a flag and participate in a dying industry and ultimately aspire for larger opportunities, hopefully on-line and progressive.

as this story goes, I could get into the gory details and this would be one epic fucking blog, so I’ll try and sum up my experience behind the curtain of the entertainment industry.

I was working with a lady who was pure LA entertainment industry scum… a plastic piece of shit, desperate, and rapidly hitting the career wall… she had a line of shit I really wanted to believe, not that I’m capable of believing anyone or anything 100%. I was taken in by her attempt to be human, she really struggled with stepping outside of her industry’s conditioning of being purely exploitive and a cold cog in an ugly machine with really bright, white, teeth. she needed to reenact how she had been taken advantage of and treated by her peers thru-out her career, to shit on those she perceived down hill and below her.

longer story long and not-so-short, middle finger in the air, I walked away from opportunities quite a few dream of and those in LA will do things to have a go at… and go they will, with their mouth sucking hard to make up for all they ain’t. their not-so creatives selves, desperate to be something more than the sum of their whole/hole, that hole-self equaling nothing, void of all except the need and want to suck their way to the top of a pyramid built with the illusions and dreams of others.

What did this dismal, uptight, waste of life do to piss me off? ooooohhhhh… the list is long, but to sum it up – ignorance with attitude! she was ignorant and arrogant… a combination that I can not deal with and something that would only work in the entertainment industry, where mediocrity reigns supreme and ignorance is of value.

she was a full on confused, rusty and old robot from go. I should have known, no, I did know that she wasn’t going to sprout a creative heart, that she was of an industry I believed, and have proven to myself, that I am in fact against and am glad to witness the death of due to technological empowerment of artists thru computers and the net.

I guess to simplify this as simply as one can with a complex relationship, the lady couldn’t get over her industry, a world where she’s demeaned and disrespected on a regular basis and at the same time suckled and treated as a gate keeper to fame and fortune by those sucking sucklers who wait tables and hold cameras hoping to break big one day…

no, really, I was in LA all of 4 hrs and mentioned to a waiter why I was there and the guy offered me my meal for free, wanted to show me around, and basically it felt as if I could sodomize the guy, no lube, in the bathroom of his work, and he’d thank me… this is the typical LA wanna be, no exaggeration… and then there’s the person I was dealing with, a haggard careerist who is always looking for validation, in life, within her industry, and for her parking fees.. no joke, she had a semi-breakdown when her agent wouldn’t validate her $2 parking… and she had multiple breakdowns over parking validation – fucking parking! Pathetic, and when I say pathetic I’m not talking about the lady, I’m talking about the fact higher-ups within that industry would treat a person they represent like that, how they could put the cogs in their machine thru wear and tear, willing to let them rust in desperate despair… no oil, no care.

you know, I can’t say I wouldn’t try this shit again, but I can’t say I’m interested in trying this again either… I can say I’d never enter a deal with someone until I creatively bond with them, until we sit down and make something together… until I can see and feel the creative, the human. I will not be a cog in the machine anymore than I already am as I pay bills and help heap landfills.

then there was the pal who was so affected by my perceived success, the pal whom, when I told him about my opportunity stated “I’ve never made it that far”. A “friend” who has worked his entire adult life looking for an in in this sick and perverse industry, who then ignored me when I was in LA and made me realize why a talent like john belushi died alone in a hotel room with a whore injecting him with drugs… but that my friends and enemies is another story.

“Film will only become art when it’s materials are as inexpensive as pencil and paper.”Jean Cocteau.

below you’ll find a bunch of photos that might help illustrate this blog… click on any one of them and they;ll get bigger.
I also have an instagram account with other and odd pics from my trip and beyond…

please think about helping to fund my websites, my expressions and other creative outlets so I can jump thru windows of opportunity rather than jump thru windows of desperation.

here is the my/our patreon page:
here is the paypal address: 365roadtrip AT

I also take sculpture, video and design commissions, email me here: shanebugbee AT

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